I have been reflecting on what it is like to live as a servant of Jesus…
Travelling…it’s wonderful, you get to see different tribes, different nations, learn new languages…
So many smiles, hugs, children’s hands reaching out, black, brown, yellow, white, all one in the same, each a child of Him.
Many questions…When will I see my family, will this be the last hug I give my grandpa, the last time I cry together with my grandma?
I’ve seen my brother with a broken neck, then I was called to another country – where is my obedience…in serving him or serving God? When God calls, I have to follow.
There is a cost…for the glory of God.
Dreams are not of sandy beaches or sun holidays, but of the simple things in life. The simplicity of sitting with my friend and her husband, just sitting together with a cup of coffee…enjoying being taken out for supper, just experiencing life together. Dreams are sitting in the same vehicle as my brother, or sitting under the same roof as my parents, even to worship with my supporting church one Sunday morning. What is my language? Will I ever have a home of my own? My life is not my own…sacrifice is real. My thoughts are not my own, they are of the King and I desire to praise him no matter what.
When you find out your brother is dying of cerebral malaria, but you are across the world, that’s when your faith is strengthened…you reach that next level of intimacy with Jesus. You have no choice but to trust Him like never before.
You come, you go…you make new relationships, you lose old ones. You leave and come back a new person, a changed person with a different view on life, a new heart that is hurting for more than just your own family, but also for the nations. Reality of the world has hit your heart. When Jesus said the harvest is ready but the labourors are few you now know what he meant, as you have seen it with your own two eyes – you have seen tribes lost and dying without knowing Christ.
Your heart is torn, you desire to be with your family but you also desire to continue building relationships with your new disciples.
You are so excited to be home for Christmas…yet when you are home it is so much blessing you don’t even know how to handle the situation…tears flow daily as your heart is still also in Africa where you left many friends who are orphans – you want to enjoy your own mom and dad, sitting around the christmas tree, but you are constantly thinking about your sister in Christ who has no mother or father. You begin to experience emotions you never knew were possible…God is growing your heart and emotional capacity in these times – you must learn to take it as a blessing!
How do you think? Of home…where is home? Your mind is so stretched. Is home a country? My farm? A town? A church? Where my family is? Earth?
Nobody understands you, even those closest to your heart weren’t there to experience what you experienced…they weren’t in that hospital room while you prayed for the healing of many burnt children, or in that swamp baptizing those new believers, or under that tree praying for the life of your sick brother.
Some say, ‘is it worth it? The stress you experience, the risk of sicknesses, the poor living conditions…Why can’t you just stay home?’
No matter what someone says, I will never stray from the guidance of my Master, Jesus Christ. This is where I see the beauty of the Lord, I catch a glimpse of his mysteries…I am in awe of how he speaks to me, calls me by name and enables me to do all that which I am doing. I don’t have my own vision, Jesus is my vision. I have asked him for the nations.
When did Jesus ever say it would be easy? Why do we seek so much comfort? We want to experience God’s miracles and greatness, yet we make things so comfortable. My desire is not comfort, but to simply do as I am convicted. To love Jesus means obedience, not my will but his be done.
I am so human, I have human desires, yet when He speaks, His voice drowns out that of the world.
My worldview has grown beyond my own hometown, yet how do I fit in there?
I am in Zambia, yet I don’t fully know how to understand the way the Zambians think…I can fit in with the Africans, but I will never become an African. I go home, but I am now having a mixture of cultures…I don’t feel home, I will never be the same, never again fitting like I used to.
I am learning that it’s not about me, not about my feelings…
Everything that I am, the beauty and the struggles are all for Jesus himself.
I will never change for anything. He is my motivation.